being gentle with yourself: HOW TO Master The Inner Critic Now
In a world that glorifies hustle and constant self-development, it’s time to take a step back and discover the power of being gentle with yourself. We often find it easier to extend kindness and gentleness to others, but struggle to offer the same compassion to ourselves. Today we’ll change that narrative forever.
What does being gentle with yourself mean?
Being gentle with yourself means treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and compassion, just as you would treat a beloved friend. It involves acknowledging your current limitations, accepting your imperfections, and embracing self-care practices that nourish your mind, body and soul. Being gentle with yourself means prioritizing self-compassion over self-criticism and recognizing that you deserve love and care, no matter your circumstances or mistakes.
How do I be more gentle with myself? 3 simple steps
In case you forgot: You are enough. You were always enough and you will always be enough. Don’t let the world tell you not being good enough as a human being. Build your strength and confidence on something worthwhile that lasts even after the strongest tempest. This is the power of being gentle with yourself.
1.
Discovering the roots of your inner critic
Human beings want to understand and find meaning in the pain we have to endure. Viktor Frankl stated already, that solely discovering the meaning of pain increases tremendously the chance of enduring harm gracefully and finding solutions. It can be a dark journey going back to the birth of our critic voice. But it significantly helps transforming the critic to a constructive voice of loving feedback. Who treated you badly in the past? Which voices and sentences of shame and guilt are showing up from time to time? Ideally there is just the voice of your natural unfair critic, which can be easily tricked by step 3.
2.
Accept and forgive
This can be the hardest step. It’s not possible to ignore the critic; it will always be there. However, we can accept what happened and forgive. This step usually starts in support of an expert. It’s a rewarding journey, and I can only encourage you to do it. You’ll experience increased soothing feelings, confidence, and a lightness that was not noticeable before. Suddenly, you’ll treat situations where you shamed yourself a couple of months ago with compassion and constructive reflection. If you have a healthy relationship with your critic, it is mostly enough to practice gentleness by aiming for constructive reflection instead of falling for the unconstructive critic.
3.
It's not a decision, it's a commitment: Practice Daily
Realizing that gentleness doesn’t come by simply deciding to be gentle from now on. Being gentle with yourself is much more than that. It means reflecting frequently about the thought patterns that arise. It’s a constant commitment with conscious decisions in the moment where we have the choice to be gentle.
Examples:
You do your weekly grocery shop and notice at the checkout, that you’ve forgotten your wallet at home.
Critical voice: Of course this had to happen to me! I will ever learn it.
Caring voice: This are things that can happen. Next time I just check for the wallet before I leave the house.
The women or men you’ve been dating for a while ends the relationship without further notice.
Critical voice: <Creates several possible reasons why you were not good enough. Repeatedly injects them into your thoughts over the upcoming 6 months.>
Caring voice: <Knows, that by nature not everybody is a fit. Reflects compassionately about past conflicts with this person. Suggest behavioral change or accepts the end of the relationship as natural occurrence.>
You clicked on a suspicious message on your phone. Through the message hackers phished your bank account details and transferred a big amount of money.
Critical voice: How can I be so stupid to have clicked on this message? -> regular shame and guilt over several months follows.
Caring voice: Yes, this could have been avoided, but shaming myself for this fault doesn’t make things better. I just inform myself how I can prevent this to happen in the future. Lesson learned.
Falling for the unfair critic or practicing mindful gentleness: you have the choice. Everyday.
Did you know?
The ineffective critical voice may have evolved due extensive criticism from others or from traumatic events. At the end of the day, the critical voice is often based on faulty and biased perception about yourself.
5 effective Ways To Become More Gentle With Yourself
1. Mindfulness
Cultivating present-moment awareness can help you to recognize when the inner critic arises and observe it thoughts without getting caught up in them.
2. Self-compassion
Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a close friend. Challenge the harsh self-judgments and replace them with self-encouragement.
3. Cognitive restructuring
Challenge and reframe negative thoughts by questioning their validity and replacing them with more realistic and positive alternatives.
4. Seeking support
Talk to trusted friends, family or a therapist who can provide an objective perspective, support, and guidance in managing the inner critic.
5. Setting realistic goals:
Establish realistic expectations for yourself and acknowledge that making mistakes and experiencing setbacks are natural parts of the learning and growth process.
Remember: Becoming gentle with yourself is not an overnight achievement. It is an ongoing process, which can be diminished when you stop caring about yourself and falling again for the unconstructive critic. Give yourself time for results and celebrate your progress.
Why is being gentle a good thing?
Being gentle with yourself has numerous benefits for your overall well-being. When you practice self-gentleness, you cultivate a sense of self-acceptance and self-worth. You create an inner environment that fosters personal growth, resilience, and emotional balance. Being gentle allows you to bounce back from setbacks with greater ease and treat yourself with kindness during challenging times. It enhances your self-confidence, self-esteem, and ability to navigate life’s ups and downs with grace and compassion.
What does it mean being gentle with people?
Being gentle with people means choosing active listening and compassion over judgment. It means being diplomatic instead of forcing, caring instead of ignorant or simply trying to maintain a pleasant relationship with somebody. By being gentle with others, you contribute to a more compassionate and understanding society, creating a ripple effect of positivity and kindness.
Why you are not gentle to yourself by default
Social conditioning
We are the average of the people we surround ourselves with. Quite frankly all of us have hard times disconnecting from people who are not good for us. By default, we absorb other people’s ineffective behavior like projecting pain onto others, using resent to express pain or withdrawing love and compassion in order to penalize subjective harmful behavior. A huge junk of our personality evolves in childhood and youth, where we are completely at others mercy. We just don’t recognize the lasting influence which is done by ineffective social conditioning. Many of us recognize how badly conditioned we are, when we start to struggle forming lasting and deep relationships, when we experience recurring emotional pain or finding meaning in life. The list is long.
Generational Trauma
It’s a bitter pill to swallow: At the end of the day, we are just a big mix of micro personalities that even range to the narratives of our grand grandparents. The stigmas triggered by trauma can be transmitted from generation to generation, creating ineffective behavior decades after the trauma has occurred.
New Trauma
Trauma is inevitable. Sigmund Freud recognized that basically none of us stays untouched by trauma. Rather than asking if we are traumatized, we should ask ourselves where and when it happened. Treating trauma in a professional environment is a necessity to create gentleness with oneself.
19 quotes that promote being gentle with yourself
Be gentle with yourself. You are a precious soul navigating through a complex world.
Unknown
In a world that demands toughness, choose gentleness. It’s a strength that will heal your spirit.
A.D. Posey
Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend – with love, compassion and unwavering support.
Sharon Salzberg
Gentleness is not weakness; it’s a powerful act of self-love and self-care.
L.R. Knost
You deserve your own love and kindness, just as much as anyone else.
Buddha
Be gentle with yourself. You’re doing the best you can with the resources you have.
Unknown
Embrace your imperfections with kindness, for they are what make you beautifully human.
Karen Salmansohn
In the midst of chaos, find moments of gentle solitude to nourish your soul.
Linda L. Lange
When the world feels heave, be gentle with yourself. You are allowed to take breaks and seek solace.
Nanea Hoffman
Gentleness is a soothing balm that heals the wounds we inflict upon ourselves.
Rumi
You are deserving of gentleness, even on your hardest days. Remember to be kind to yourself.
Nikki Rowe
Gentleness is they key that unlocks the door to self-acceptance and inner peace.
Danielle Koepke
Speak to yourself with the same kindness and encouragement you would offer a beloved friend.
Brené Brown
Be gentle with your dreams, for they are fragile seeds that need nurturing to grow.
Bryan McGill
Allow yourself to release self-judgment and embrace the gentle flow of self-compassion.
Kristin Neff
Gentleness is an act of radical rebellion against the harsh expectations of the world.
Anne Lamot
Give yourself permission to be a work in progress, always evolving and growing with gentle grace.
Alex Elle
Be gentle with your heart. It carries the weight of your experiences, and it deserves tenderness.
Melody Beattie
Remember, you are both the masterpiece and the artist. Treat yourself with gentle strokes of love.
Avina Celeste
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