It’s not about what you do, but who you are: How your identity makes or breaks you.
Have you ever wondered why so many people seemingly figured it out to lose a lot of weight, earn a lot of money or have the most harmonious relationship and then boom! The lost weight came back twice as fast as it was lost, the quick achiever filled bankruptcy 3 years later and the fairytale relationship turned into a full mess compromised into one week! All of them share one simple but underestimated pattern. But before we dive into it, I’d like to share one quote with you from Robert Kiyosaki:
According to Kiyosaki it would mean if we took all the money from the rich people and give it to the poor people, the rich will end up rich again and the poor will end up poor again! What’s the antidote to prevent this to happen?
Your identity breaks you!
If you earn a tremendous amount of money, but all of this money is used to finance your lifestyle, your behavior is incongruent with who you want to be.
If you do a lot of great things for your partner in the beginning of your relationship, but because you never enjoyed doing that you slowly stop taking her out, writing the little notes, surprise her, listen to her, then your behavior was incongruent to the man she dated in the beginning.
If you invest blood and sweat into preparing for a marathon, but as soon as you crossed the finish line, you stop working out? Then your behavior was incongruent to the healthy person you were during your training.
It’s not behavior change, it’s identity change.
You see where we are going here. If you don’t fall in love with the process, you will not stick to your new habit, the new, better version of yourself. In order to be the person you desire, you have to become the person first:
-> to become an author, you have to be someone who loves to write
-> to become a healthy person, you have to fall in love with nutrition and sports
-> to become rich, you have to be someone who ends up with more money at the end of the month, than in the beginning
Dancers, peanut butter lovers, singers, or painters don’t do all these things because they want to say: “finally I am finished with it!” They enjoy how the peanut butter gives their mouth the tasty adventure they desire. They enjoy the flawless movement, the touch of their dancing partners, the music that touches their soul. Painters enjoy bringing their mind onto paper, full of serenity, adrenalin, contemplation or whatever emotion they desire to feel during the act. None of them is happy when it ends. They are joyful during the process of doing. And this is exactly what you have to do, if you want to make a habit stick. Make the process most enjoyable for you!
Ps. I’d like to give James Clear huge credits for much of this post. He is a major reason why so many things changed to the good in my life and therefore I highly encourage you to register for his weekly newsletter and to buy his popular book Atomic Habits.
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