The surprising link between self-love and a negative self-image

"I already made up my mind. Don't confuse me with facts."
How often do we admit, that what we believe might be slightly inaccurate? Don’t worry, I do not intend to take away your self-image today. However, I will invite you to lighten up the chambers of your heart from a different angle.
Beliefs often have a firm hold on our behavior, because we strive to identify. One of the strongest human desires is “to become”. We want to become something. Not necessarily important what it is, as long as we don’t dwell for too long in the dark unknown.

And when we are?

We hold on to our beliefs, as if we’d had to defend the queen herself (may she rest in peace). But why is that? Why is it so hard to give up a belief about ourselves, whether it’s a good or bad one?

The answer lies in our very human nature. Giving up something means death. At the end of the day nobody really wants to die. The powerful fear of death is directly related to our ability to let go beliefs, that have stopped to serve us long time ago (TMT)

So what can we do?

Sometimes it drives me crazy simply thinking about how long I hold dear a negative belief about myself. Like a highly toxic family member. Inherently I know, that I am due to let go.
Somebody once told me that most people treat their negativity like a diagnose. Like procrastination. “Oh yea, I am a procrastinator” or “Gosh, my anxiety is….” But it’s not something that came up without effort.
“the things we believe about ourselves, are like a jigsaw puzzle. With the words we say to ourselves, the things we do or don’t do, we put together little pieces of the puzzle. One day we wake up with a new belief about who we are, the bigger picture.”

It's not a diagnose, it's a habit

The little pieces are the equivalent of every
  • “I am too slow / tall / unintelligent / short / heavy / light”
  • event that diminishes our dignity (somebody harms us without us protecting ourselves, …)
  • image or video that shows what we don’t have or are right now (scrolling through the feed, watching tiktok excessively)
All of these events are habits that one day started to form the bigger picture about who we believe to be. 
Whatever you are going through right now. Whatever you are believing about yourself. Always keep in mind that if you ever intend to change it, think about the micro decisions you execute daily.
To provoke a revolution within, here’s what you can do:
Next time when you have the choice to say “I am not enough (because you don’t understand something, or get rejected, …) you reframe it to something more positive, but also true. You could say
“I may need more time to grasp this.” or
“I’d like to try a different source that can explain this.” 

next time when...

Next time when you get rejected you may tell yourself
  • “this is part of the journey. everbody is going through it”
  • “we naturally can’t fit everywhere and I accept this fact. Let’s move on.”
  • “I feel the pain, but that’s natural and I am willing to accept and overcome it”
…instead of all the other devastating statements that destruct and crumble who you are or can be.

Give yourself time

Give yourself the time that’s needed. Very often we compare ourselves to people who mastered a field of life and all we see are them excelling. But what we usually don’t see is how many times they have failed before. How often they got rejected. How much money they lost. How much time they have spent, in order to produce the result we are admiring.

Give yourself a chance to become a version of yourself, that you are happy with. How you can do that? Simple. Put the right pieces together to form a picture about yourself that serves you, instead of harming you.

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